The Prospect Herald

Bums Move to Los Angeles

E-Sports Tycoon Pat Coyne purchases historic franchise

Long suffering fans of Brann's Bums mourned the loss of their beloved Yanks Fan Field last week, as a wrecking ball — painted to resemble a baseball — tore the stadium to shreds in a matter of minutes.

But on the opposite coast, 3,000 miles away, eager new fans cheered at the rubbon cutting ceremony for the franchise's new ballpark, which is yet to be named, for the team that will be re-branded before opening day. Enterprising video game magnate Patrick Coyne, better known for his role as "Twenties Man" on AMC's The Walking Dead purchased the franchise and naming rights from the previous ownership group, who fans had turned against after last season's months long benching of Vlad Guerrero, who management claimed, "Needed an attitude adjustment."

"I'm coming to this league with bells on," Coyne said at the ribbon ceremony. "This is an historic franchise with multiple championships in its past, but I don't want these fans to keep thinking about the past. I'm bringing this squad into the future, kicking and screaming."

At press time, Coyne was seen harvesting biometric data from his minor-league prospects. When asked about his intent with the data, he said, "I dunno."